


Surprise is a Dangerous Word

by HappyFunBallXD



Series: RvB Drabbles [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyFunBallXD/pseuds/HappyFunBallXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "Wait right there, don't move!" Caboose's surprises leave a lot to be desired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprise is a Dangerous Word

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for an anon on tumblr for some Church and Caboose. Some good old BG Chronicles fun.

Things were going well. Church had spent the majority of the day hidden away from everyone. No Red team threatening him and managing to fuck it up. No Tucker being his normal annoying self, and no Caboose irritating him. Just some peace and quiet, alone with his thoughts—

“CHURCH!”

Things were going well. That should’ve been his first clue that things were about to fall apart.

“CHUUUUUUURCH!”

Maybe he could just keep quiet. Caboose hadn’t seen him yet, there was a chance he could just keep hiding in this cave, and Caboose would pass him by and he could go back to enjoying the silence.

“Church, I saw you go into one of these caves, did you get lost? Did you need my help? Did you fall down a well?”

Church smacked his head against the stone wall, groaning as the metal of his helmet reverberated. 

“Church! I don’t think Lassie got your message!”

“Jesus, Caboose, what the fuck do you want?!” Church stormed out of the cave, arms crossed.

“Church! You made it out of the well!”

Church missed his wall. “Caboose, there’s no goddamn well here. If there were, the Reds wouldn’t be drinking condiments.”

“Tucker will be upset that they’re using them all.”

“I said CONDIMENTS— Just, never mind. What the fuck was so important that you had to come wailing across the canyon to find me?”

Caboose tilted his head. “Ah. Yes. I have a surprise for you.”

Church sighed. “That’s just great. Okay. What is it?”

“I can’t tell you, it would ruin the surprise.”

Church could feel his eye twitch under his helmet. As much as a ghost could feel the parts of his robotic body, at any rate. “So the point of you coming out here to tell me ABOUT the surprise, but not actually tell me the surprise was what, exactly?”

Caboose shook his head. “You can’t TELL a surprise, silly, you have to SHOW it.”

“Of fucking course.” Church must’ve kicked puppies for a living in a past life or something to deserve this. “So show me and get it the fuck over with?”

“Right!”

The two stood there for half a minute. A slow breeze rolled through. There might have been a tumbleweed. 

“Some time today, Caboose?”

Caboose suddenly decided the sky looked particularly interesting. “Yes. Well. I seem to have forgotten it.”

“You forgot the surprise that you rushed over here to give me?” Church deadpanned. 

“Yes.”

Another sigh. “Of course you did. It’s not another crayon drawing, is it? Because the fridge is already full, so if you want that to go up, another one has to come down.”

“It’s a bit more important than that, Church,” the pout could be heard through two helmets.

“Okay, great. So now what?”

“Um. Oh!” He set his hands on Church’s shoulders, patting lightly. “Wait right here, don’t move! I’ll go get it and be right back!”

“Yeah. You do that. I’ll wait right here.” He wondered if there were any way he could hide in the time it took Caboose to come back. 

“Okay, I am leaving now. Remember, stay right there.”

Maybe he could bribe Grif with snack cakes to let him hide out at Red base until Caboose got distracted. Not that he HAD any snack cakes. He probably would have used them for bribery already if he did.

He went back to his cave to sit. If he had any luck at all, Caboose would get distracted by something shiny along the way and forget about him. He let himself entertain that thought for awhile, especially after the minutes passed and Caboose didn’t return. He’d just managed to assume that Caboose wasn’t coming back, relaxing back against the side of the cave and returning to his inner monologues when an all- too- familiar voice shouted through the canyon once again.

“Church, I am coming back! Don’t worry!”

Why was he kidding himself, he was never the lucky type. Otherwise he probably wouldn’t have gotten shot by a tank.

Church got up from his spot exiting the cave. Best to get this over with as soon as possible. He really hoped it wasn’t another flower crown. The last one had been made of poison ivy.

Caboose scurried across the grass, holding something behind his back.

He skidded to a halt in front of Church, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Okay, great. You’re back. Now what is this thing? It better not be another neat looking rock.”

“Well. It WAS a neat looking rock.”

“Caboose, it was a fucking HERMIT CRAB.”

“Okay, but this is not a rock. Captain Creampuff was teaching me how to do the knitting thing!”

“Captain…? You mean Donut? What the hell is Donut doing at our base?”

Caboose let out a little huff. “Teaching me the knitting thing, I just said so.”

“Right. Dunno why I even care at this point. Okay, so you learned to knit. Fan- fucking- tastic.”

“Well. Not exactly.”

Church had never actually wondered about whether or not robots could feel pain. But right now he wanted to take off his helmet, if only to rub his temples at the headache he could feel coming on. But he didn’t. He REALLY didn’t want a repeat of the poison ivy crown.

“I shouldn’t be surprised. Knitting’s a little complicated for you.”

“But I made this for you!” Caboose perked up, pulling a mass of bright blue yarn from behind his back. He draped it over Church’s shoulders, wrapping one end around his CO’s neck.

Church frowned. It looked like Caboose had taken the entire roll of yarn, knotted it up as much as possible, then tied it around him.

“I could not do knitting. So Private Pastry said that I could do knotting instead.”

Okay. So that’s EXACTLY what had happened then.

Church scowled, looking at the blue monstrosity that was currently adorning his shoulders. Then back at the OTHER blue monstrosity that was waiting eagerly for his response.

He sighed once again. “It’s great, Caboose. Thanks.”

Caboose lit up like Christmas, even under his helmet. He immediately lunged forward, trapping Church in a tight hug. “I knew you would like it! I worked all day on it! I’m so glad!”

Church gave up, letting the other squeeze him. Not like ghosts needed to breathe.


End file.
